My hand turned me down
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
