how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
