dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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