I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
