My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
