I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
