He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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