I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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