you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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