"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
