Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
