Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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