I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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