this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
