I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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