Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
