Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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