they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
