I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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