I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
