Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
