don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
