Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
