Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
