sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
