I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
