I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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