oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
