Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
