im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He better not be in your backpack
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
