she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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