I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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