Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Did you pee in the oven last night??
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
