I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
