What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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