How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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