Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
