How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize