On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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