Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
