So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize