matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
