just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
