This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
