i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
