Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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