it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
