He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
