He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
