he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
