I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
porn star boner night. come get it.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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