onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
