yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
