My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
