Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
