I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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