erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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