I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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