Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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