i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
porn star boner night. come get it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize