Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
