YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
