Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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