'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
