I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
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