Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
