last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
