Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
