i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
