I think i peed on brittanys purse
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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